英语幽默
文章来源:人人听力网
(一)Keys to Success 成功的关键
One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'
"What is cleverness? asked his son.
"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.
一天,父亲教育儿子说:“一个人成功的关键就是严守诺言和足够聪明。一旦你给了别人承诺,无论发生什么事,你都得实现它,这个就叫‘守诺言’。”
儿子问:“那么什么是聪明呢?”
父亲回答:“聪明就是任何时候都别做这样的承诺
(二)As Soon As You Wake Up, You're Fired 一睡醒,你就被炒鱿鱼了
Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired."
我的同事有好几小时不见人了。我们疯了地到处找他。最后老板发现,他正在睡大觉。没叫醒他,老板悄无声息地在我的同事的胸前放了个纸条。“睡觉时”,条上写着,“你是我的员工,醒来你就不是了。”
(三)Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
Tom教授打算第二天与他的学生见面,因此他在黑板上写道:“Tom教授明天将和大家见面”。
一位学生看到这条通知后,觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了,就走上前,将“class”中的“c”擦掉,教授听到笑声,转过身走回来,看了看那位学生,又看看被改动过的通知,不动声色地走上前,把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉,看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生,教授扬长而去。
文章内容
(四)Teacher: Walter, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
Walter: What was it?
Teacher: Eggs.
Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.
教师:沃尔特,你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。
沃尔特:我吃了什么?
教师:鸡蛋。
沃尔特:错了,老师。那是昨天吃的